Why this needs separate treatment
Research on negotiation has found that identical assertive behaviour is frequently evaluated differently depending on who displays it, with women more likely to face social penalties for the same directness that reads as confident in men.
This is not an argument for accepting less. Studies consistently show that people who negotiate end up better paid than those who do not, and the effect holds regardless of gender. The gap between negotiating and not negotiating is far larger than the gap between negotiating styles.
What it means practically is that preparation matters more, and that framing does real work. The goal is not to be less direct; it is to be direct in a way that is difficult to dismiss.
Let the evidence do the assertion
The most reliable adjustment is to shift the weight from personal assertion onto external evidence.
"I want more money" is a claim about you. "Comparable roles in this market pay between X and Y, and I bring the regulatory experience you said was hard to hire for" is a claim about the market, supported by facts. It is equally firm and much harder to dismiss as a personality issue.
Do the research thoroughly enough that your number sounds like a finding rather than a hope. Published salary ranges, current job adverts for the same role, and market data for your country and level are all stronger than any amount of confident delivery.
Never anchor to your current salary
Anchoring a new offer to your current pay perpetuates every previous underpayment, and if you have been underpaid before, it carries that forward permanently.
A growing number of jurisdictions now prohibit employers from asking for salary history precisely because of this effect. Where you are asked anyway, redirect: "I would rather focus on the market rate for this role — based on my research that is between X and Y."
Anchor to what the job is worth, not to what your last employer decided to pay you.
Use pay transparency
Salary range disclosure requirements have expanded significantly across the EU, several US states and elsewhere, and they are a material advantage in negotiation.
Where ranges are published, you are negotiating with the same information as the employer. Aim for the upper portion of the band if your experience supports it — bands exist precisely so that different candidates land at different points.
Internally, many jurisdictions give employees the right to discuss pay with colleagues, and some require employers to disclose pay ranges or gender pay gap data on request. Knowing what the band actually is turns a vague sense of being underpaid into a specific, evidenced case.
Negotiate the whole package
Base salary is often the least flexible element, constrained by bands that the hiring manager cannot exceed. Other components move more easily and can be worth more than the increase you were refused.
This matters particularly where flexibility has concrete financial value — remote days that reduce childcare and commuting costs, for instance, can be worth more in practice than a modest salary bump.
- Signing bonus, which sits outside the salary band.
- An early salary review at six months with written criteria.
- Additional annual leave.
- Remote or hybrid days, and predictable hours.
- Job title, which compounds into every future application.
- Training budget, certifications or conference attendance.
- Pension contribution above the default.
Ask, then stop talking
The most common self-inflicted damage in any negotiation is filling the silence after making the request.
Say the number. Then wait. The pause is uncomfortable and it belongs to the other person. Softening the request, offering unprompted justification or pre-emptively conceding before they have responded costs real money and happens constantly.
Practising this out loud beforehand genuinely helps. Say your sentence to a friend, or into your phone, until it sounds like a statement rather than a question.
Negotiating internally
Internal raise conversations run on different mechanics from job offers, and timing dominates.
Salary decisions are usually made months in advance, tied to budget cycles. Raising it at your annual review is generally too late — the numbers are already set. Find out when the planning happens and open the conversation before that window closes.
Bring documented evidence of what has changed since your salary was last set, not a list of tasks. And if the answer is no, get specific criteria and a review date in writing. A manager who will not commit to either has told you something worth knowing.